If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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