imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
