Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
