Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize