I think i peed on brittanys purse
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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