porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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