we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
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