I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
There r osticjed everywhere
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
