I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
