What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
