whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
