Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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