things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
