I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
