just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
i drank out of a bidet.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
