Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
