We won't sleep together?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
