he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
