Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
