It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
