She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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