I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
