Don't make out with my wife yet
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
