i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Shitshow foam night was such a success
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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