If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
