who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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