When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
