Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
