if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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