it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
