I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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