"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
