happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
i think i just lost a toe
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
