Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
