Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
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