I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Randomize
