the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
