Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I pour the whiskey from now on
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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