I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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