I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Randomize
