I'm lost and stupid without you.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
