Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
