haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
