There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
