Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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