You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
