i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
