I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
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