worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
