wakey wakey hands off snakey
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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