Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
