Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
