We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
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