So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
