Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
