Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
my shit smells like andre
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
