i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
i now understand why vodka
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
