Sacagawea was the original milf.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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