If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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