You just made me feel so damn special
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
