I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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