i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
