So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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