evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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