Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
