I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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