i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
