We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize