At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
