Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
