worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
