I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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