it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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