wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
