I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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