I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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